Exploring Financial Bullying and Control in Intimate Relationships
A Guardian article published on August 14, 2014, examines the complex dynamics of financial bullying in intimate relationships through various reader submissions and survey data. The article references a survey of about 1,000 Americans, finding that roughly 10% describe their partner as a financial bully.
Readers contribute differing perspectives, with some emphasizing that budgeting and monitoring spending may represent financial responsibility rather than bullying. However, reported patterns include disputes over budgeting, one-sided control of spending, and conflicts regarding joint versus separate finances.
One contributor from Arkansas recounts enduring years of financial bullying by her ex-husband. She highlights issues such as accumulating debt and drug-related expenditures that caused long-term credit damage, culminating in divorce. Other accounts describe partners monitoring purchases and gatekeeping funds, raising the question of whether such behaviors constitute responsible budgeting or coercive control.
A recurring theme is the tension between the concept of "our money" versus "my money," illustrating the delicate balance between managing finances responsibly and exerting control. Supporting this, data from Credit Repair cited in the article reveals that 24% of men and 43% of women report hiding clothing purchases from their partners.
One New York reader shares her experience of an arranged marriage characterized by extreme money control by her spouse. Over time, as she gained her own earnings and maintained a substantial bank balance, the financial dynamics shifted, even as their mortgage approached payoff.
Overall, the discussion highlights the nuanced and sometimes ambiguous boundary between financial management within relationships and financial abuse.
