Financial Bullying and Budgeting in Relationships: A Complex Spectrum
A Guardian survey of about 1,000 Americans found roughly 10% describe a partner as a financial bully, though many readers dispute that label. Readers argue that budgeting and monitoring spending can be responsible financial behaviors rather than bullying, and some emphasize that joint accounts and shared budgets are essential in relationships. Anecdotes from readers illustrate tensions around budgeting, including disagreements over who controls spending, the distinction between 'our money' versus 'my money,' and conversations about allowable expenses.
One highlighted case involves an ex-husband who depleted family funds on restaurants and taxis; the wife enforced a set budget and the husband chose taxis, raising questions about who was the bully in the situation. Another reader from Arkansas recounted years of financial bullying resulting in $23,000 of debt on a credit card in the reader's name, which led to divorce and damaged credit. Some comments emphasize instances of one-sided financial control where spending feels punitive or secretive, illustrating a range from healthy budgeting practices to financial abuse.
Supporting these concerns, a Credit Repair survey cited in the piece found that 24% of men and 43% of women hide clothing purchases from their partners, underscoring secrecy surrounding spending in relationships. The article also references an extreme example of an arranged marriage in New York where intense scrutiny of purchases resembled financial abuse, sparking debate about where responsible budgeting ends and abuse begins.
